Monday, December 20, 2010 0 comments

It’s an open secret that many clergymen are not that straight. Only second to politicians. They pull stunts big enough to send a professional movie stunt man on a shameful retirement without benefits. Others are plain weirdos who have little or no social life and you wonder how they manage to keep a sermon on the track. I am not trying to discredit men of the cloth. They are great human beings responsible for our spiritual nourishment and many do take over to the physical nourishment of selected beauties of their congregation.
P.E.V-Cornered citizen
In the small village where I grew up, randy pastors were no common place. We only got to hear of their escapades on the radio. I soon got to understand why. We were not just keen enough to notice their life outside the pulpit. Then one day the big breakthrough struck. Young pastors straight out of college were a humdrum eager to serve the almighty. Few years down the aisle they walked it. It was always a jovial moment to attend your vicars wedding. Congregation was really proud of the achievement. The young men were the pastors but the rules of the church were made by a council of elders. I do not know if the tradition is still kept. It was a highly effective way of management which modern C.E.O’s should borrow a leaf from.
At one time we happened to have a young unmarried pastor. A highly eligible bachelor in the village circles. A charismatic preacher who moved the crowds like the modern tele-evangelists. It wasn’t a surprise when the announcement came that he was going to have a wedding. Of course he broke many lustful hearts but a pastor is entitled to only one wife with no provisions for mpango wa kando. Unlike many other weddings comprising of men of cloth and their better half which take months, his took a few weeks to arrange and wham! He was married for them to live happily ever after.
Things cooled off after the wedding though few questions were being whispered here and there why so fast? But after all it wasn’t a sin to rush a wedding, so the questions eventually ceased. Then a surprise struck. Three months down the line the wife gave birth to a bouncing baby boy. Earlier questions were answered and new brutal one’s surfaced.
The church council of elders held an emergency meeting. One thing was evidently clear. Their pastor had premarital sex just months in to the service. They could not condone that as the holy men of God. A decision was hastily settled. The pastor was defrocked. What a shame? Head high and full of strategies, the young pastor established his own church. the kind which has a name bigger than the building.
As fate would have it, a neighbouring church also had a young married pastor. He had a wife who was evidently savouring the juices of the forbidden fruit behind the husbands back. She cuckolded her husband with the young choir boys. Soon after discovering, the man of God decided to face the matter like a bull he is. He clobbered the wife in broad daylight while everybody was watching then divorced her on the spot! He did not wait for the council to decide on his fate but he went ahead and quit.
Soon he joined the other pastor in the new church and they proclaimed themselves the bishops. It might be a matter of spiritual attraction or just sheer curiosity but the church took over 50% congregations of the original churches leaving the elders perplexed. One reason which made the church a darling of holy, not-so-holy and sinners was its freestyle matter of conducting activities. Unlike the old council of elders governed churches where there were dressing restrictions for the ladies. Here there was freedom to exercise fashion rights. In fact the sexier the ladies were, the more jovial the mood of the bishops was and hence the mood of the flock. The only thing which mattered here was giving of tithes and offerings. Congregation was highly encouraged to have a generous heart and give towards numerous church projects. This way, blessings would always fall on them. Human beings are creatures who like easy stuff and controversial ones.
The ocampo 6 is a list which has come under heavy scrutinization from experts and quacks alike. Not that they can have any effect on it. A group of hollow brained m.p’s allied to Ruto and Uhuru are gearing up for a fight. They interpret naming of the two and their friends as a political motivated exercise. A pea brained one was brave enough to proclaim on the day they were named that it was the saddest day in Kenya. Kudos to the T.V anchor who said that the saddest days in Kenya was when citizens were being butchered like chicken in retaliation to the daft remark.
The same way congregation followed the morally crooked pastors in the village, even more daft citizens are standing by the suspects citing politics and attacks to their ‘men’ and tribes. If the guys are P.E.V perpetrators, then Kenya is better off without them. They can kiss my ass! Barmy citizens encouraging impunity by standing by them are just letting the whole country down. Politicians allied to them are hording dreams of leading the country come next elections and naming of their leaders in the dreaded list is a threat to them.
It is a commendable effort helping a friend when in need without some crooked interests in it. That’s why I comment them when they say that they will raise funds to hire the best lawyers for them. Lawyers or no lawyers, their asses are already submerged in boiling water and it will take a miracle for them to participate in 2012 elections. They have the consolation of having few blind followers who still think law will forever remain an ass. Much like the two bishops who stripped their former churches, they think they can be able to lead good sighted and widely awake citizens in to the impunity hole.
[I am sorry if I have ruffled anybody’s feathers but this was never meant to be personal. It’s my crazy thoughts! I observe there has been excessive use of the noun ass in different contexts. Excuse my efforts but I want to make it a cliché so that it’s no longer useful. Have a Hague Christmas.]


Post a Comment


©Copyright 2011 Kewowo Rants | @Erykko