Dear Naija Brodas

Saturday, September 17, 2011 0 comments

I got another awesome email from you guys, thanks alot. You make my normally boring life really interesting. It’s like we read each other’s mind. Just when I think it’s long since we communicated you offer me thousands of dollars which I politely decline. I think I am going crazy. Beautifully tailored for my taste, you even include some cool sexy pictures of yourselves, just the way I like it. I don’t even question why you look so healthy and extremely happy while your little, harmless email states otherwise.

Excuse me on my observations but I dare say your grammar leaves alot or should I say a little to be desired. Your imagination too. Guys, do you have an idea that I am currently jobless and in a serious need of good money. I am actually desperate. If by any sick chance I gave you my bank details and you in a sick, unlikely move got to deposit the said money in, hell would break loose literally. I would hire one of those beefed up marshmallow brains I see in afro-sinema, give them a spitting AK-57 with hundred rounds per minute compensate for their lack of aim then promptly send them on your way. You will be dead on my second cup of espresso. That’s for just 300 dollars, leaving me with a huge chunk to spend the rest of my life in the Caribbean. 

You always tell me you did alot of research before you got my email and got to trust me wholly. With your millions. A daughter of a former minister who is currently exiled or dead due to civil wars in Liberia, Sierra Leon, Ivory Coast etc. There is no telling where you might come up with next, I won’t be surprised if you tell me you are the daughter of Uhuru Kenyatta from Kenya and he is currently dead! As far as you and your irretrievable money are concerned.

Has anyone ever fell for your dirty and dumb tricks? Am just curious.  How much time do you spend on the internet picking random, researched emails to people like me? Do you understand all the emails seem the same and from the same dumbass who knows how to use the copy paste command? Maybe your IQ is a little lower than that of a well fed hen so you never realise this. Internet should have never been made this easy for dimwits like you to abuse. 

Guys, it’s been a real pleasure writing to you. I now realise how you feel when you write to me. It’s a thrill, I can feel the adrenaline rushing, and the blood is pumping to my head. It’s like am hanging upside down like a bat. The best thing of all is that I feel I am losing my mind, I feel my IQ going down and down. Something you achieved long time ago. It’s an eye opener guys. Thank you for the awesome experience. I’m to a creative writing talk with one of your brodas, Ben Okri. At Story Moja Hay Festival. I promise to forward all the contacts I get, so that you can make them rich, just like me.



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