OUTRAGEOUS EQUITY BANK KAMBA ATM OPTION

This has happened in a bid to make the unbanked population banked. Some peeps are not conversant with english so the linguistical committee sat down and came up with this. I have had the privellage of covering the meeting and also being the first user of this new service. Here are snippets of what you should expect  when you go for your cash.Equity bank A.T.M’s have rejected the luo and luyha version therefore an expert has been brought from UK [ukambani] to solve the problem. Meanwhile in addition to Kikuyu version, the kamba version is ready for use. It goes like this:

Wienda mbesa siana?

1.mbau?

2.miongo itano?

3.iana?

4. maana eli kana atano?

5.Ngili?

[ino ni vengi ya athini! Ndukewe nthoni.............nyuva]

If you input the wrong code, this is the message you get

Ekana na ngui mwanake, ningumelya kaati yaku wathauka

If you key in more money than you have in your account

Indi wienda ata? Ekana na ung’ei . Andika mbesa ila wisi winasyo

When it requests for your pin number

Ikia namba ya kimbithi ethiwa niulilikana. Ethiwa ni atm kaati ya mundu ungi wuyie na yuyu wikita utatithya namba kaati ino ningumelya

When you have no funds

Umunthi manya kana wiinuka na maau kana wivange kula ukuya mbesa. Uila kuia mbesa indii?niki? ona ndwina nthoni?

When you just want to know the balance because you have no funds.

Mbalanzi yaku ni viviti, wumitye mbesa nginya dipositi na yuyu no sitima na mathangu ma equity ukwananga. Ona ndwna nthoni uikusya mashini ya atm? Asi?!

When you have withdrawn some cash and you do not require a receipt

Ooooooo?! Kumbe niwisi ndunatialya kindu ona ndululu!!!!!ha ha haaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!

Go for it!

Vengi ya muthini

We congratulate equity bank on this new field though i have some few questions for them. Of late i have started to see shacks labelled Equity agent. Who the hell are these? Do they want to make bank services seem like M-PESA or what? I have advise for my friends up there but whatever this is, it is doomed to fail miserably. You have just put the wrong foot forward.

NOTA BENE: If you do not understand a thing of new equity bank system [you do not belong to this lingustical faction. I can not say the T word, you know what effect it has on Kenyans. I do not want Mzalendo Kibunja asking who dizzyrico is. I prefer to remain that way.] Leave a comment seeking translation and i will do it with pleasure.