Pro Porn President

I know somebody should get a gun, line me in a ruined wall and shoot me or simply haul me to court but there is more paperwork for the option. This is extremely ugly for the earth’s fragile environment. The charge would be blog neglect, a criminal case, director of public prosecutions involved and all. Well, it’s not going to happen. I am back on it with this crazy thought. What if I vied for presidency? What if I had a chance to formulate policies to run the country? Kenya would go to the dogs, cats and rats, that is the answer.

This is exactly how the Kenyan economy will look like if you let those G7 clowns lead Kenya

Our presidential aspirants have policies, party manifestos and whole lot of crap which makes sense to egg shells. A good example is G7 i.e. Uhuru, Ruto and host of other mindless zombies. They have a good policy, “let’s keep Raila out of state house”. This is a good policy if you look it in the eyes of Ruto. This is the guy who refused to appreciate him as he always reminds us. He literally fought for him at K.I.C.C and got his hands really dirty. Then the biggest deed of all, he paid ignorant youths and supplied them with weapons to hack others to death and chase away the remnants. This is a priceless deed for a frenemy. A good lick deserves another. Ruto never got a lick, that is why he is bitter. Desperate times call for desperate measures. Ruto has a good policy and excellent party manifesto made up of this words ‘Let’s kick Raila’s butt’. The bad thing about it is that it cannot develop our economy in any way, though the economy has always been manufactured in west and recently china is manufacturing the biggest chunk. We do need 1% domestic manufactured, to preserve tradition, but with that sort of a policy we will have a -10% on the higher side. 

This leads me to my policy intellection, conceptualization and implementation. Inspired by lack of innovative and original, working ideas from our leaders. I can even sell it to an aspirant who needs one, in case I decide to give it a pass. Many focused men and women do watch porn in confines of their houses, away from prying eyes. If they don’t then they think about it, in one way or another. Other simply practise it, every night. There is an unlucky minority which wishes they had it because they don’t know how it feels like. I am not pointing fingers but........ if you get my drift. Extensive research by Octopus group revealed that Kenyans would like to have late night news presented by semi-nude exemplary beautiful newscasters. If I table this in a convincing way like a real politician (read lying) everybody will be voting for me. The thought of the deed being done by pros presented in a 3D screen with oohs and aahs and experimentation of different angles clouds many high rated brains. They sit in the office staring at the ceiling driving the little economy we have to the deepest trench. I would like to tap this great potential. 

I know religious leaders and human right activists will be on my neck. It is a sacrifice I have to appreciate. But with my sleek tongue and numerous cheerleaders with skimpy dresses on my campaign trail nobody will listen to them. I will win hands down. Sooner or later they will be appreciating my genius.

I will soon have my ass in the state house and as they say, ‘the end, justifies the means’. This is actually a favoured quote by politicians who have a functioning brain.