Wednesday, April 13, 2011 0 comments
They were way much bigger!

Disclaimer: This might sound really weird but it damn happened to me. If you are afraid of big dreams, big cockroaches, apocalypse, nightmares and stuff I suggest that you quit reading this post because the stuff which unfolds in real time here will make you really jittery.

Of late I have been reading some good stuff by my favorite author Dave Barry (100% fact free book), watching even better stuff (Blue Mountain State Season 2 and all the sequels of American Pie over and over) I don’t know how that has a connection with this experience but maybe German does. When I was in high school I tried learning German but dude! That goddamned Hitler swastika language is too much hefty. Consider this for a dog-einfurhmagnectisamirrinasgatiusgegenwart

.No; it’s ungodly to subject myself to a linguistical torture of such magnitude. I can take two days to order lunch in German. Well, and I do not mean to brag, my cockroaches do speak German! I know this sounds like a lie but it is gospel truth. Proved and ascertained by different credible sources like the president. Speaking of which I think he should have a programme on national TV to sing his citizens a lullaby every day. I seem to be insomniac of late. He seems like he can do it very comfortably, with the slow limp and walk. He looks ready to sleep and he is older than dinosaurs.

My pad like any students pad is filthy and unorganized a fact I take pride in. Due to this, there is a whole population of roaches from different galaxies. Many arrive in flying saucers. Alien roaches and earthlings. It is not funny to open the pages of a newspaper and albino roaches scramble away. You have just invaded their privacy. 

Recently, out of boredom rather than necessity, I decided to clean up the place. There is a particular corner where I throw all the books and newspapers in a pile and an opposite one where all the dirty clothes rest until they become sparkling clean again (it’s true! Especially the black jeans) In my sleep the roaches wake up and I hear them flipping the pages and going to the kitchen to cook. This is due to the fact that I rarely cook.
I moved the books and newspapers and behold! Big roaches with bird like wings, bigger roaches with hardened shell like a tortoise but the size of a turtle and the queen. She was the most fascinating of all.  She had this fat body and a small head. She looked like an anthill queen but this one was terrifying and bigger, way much bigger. She was dark and ominous with glaring and shiny fangs. I passed out. Even if it were you, you could not fail to. It was a scene out of a futuristic horror movie.

When I came back I found something I least expected. They were holding a press conference. Yes, with TV cameras all over and journalists busy scribbling on their pads as if this was the scoop of a life time and yes, it was. Worse still they were doing it in both German and English. They filed complaints and counter complains of how badly I treat them. Rarely cooking and if I do I eat everything. I hit them whenever I spot them with anything in sight. This makes them live with everyday fear of assassination. They promised to file a lawsuit against me but I can guarantee them that they will lose big time.
I pay their rent, their electricity and many other social amenities like free entertainment and they have guts to complain. Inglorious…sorry ungrateful bastards! I will officially kick them out if they go on with the threat.
Keep it here for more of roach attacks. They happen when am in bed enjoying my beauty sleep. Somebody ship me to bedlam!


Post a Comment


©Copyright 2011 Kewowo Rants | @Erykko